SUN Shine…
Darkness… darkness everywhere…
panting… running… out… of energy… “Ha... ha… damn it!!” total darkness… no sign
of light anywhere… no end to this darkness and no sign of light or hope
anywhere… until… “……creak….” ‘That sound…! Someone was finally able to open my
Pandora’s Box??’ A light… so bright… it blinded me… ‘gah! What is this light?!’
then… it shrank…more and more… until it became a spot of light… “Wha…why?!” and
then… it started moving… it moved to a distance and stopped… “Huh?? What??” It
turned towards me… and started to move in my direction… coming closer to me…
“What do you want?” I felt as if it was saying to follow it… I had no idea why
so don’t bother to ask me about it, ‘you want me to follow you eh…’ I thought
it wouldn’t hurt to follow it, so I did, it lead me to a series of choices and
different paths, ‘I’m getting exhausted…’ I didn’t want to walk without rest
but that light didn’t even listen to me… “Oi! Stop for a while why don’t you…?!”
I was wailing loudly enough to make that light to hear me… but it just ignored
and continued on, “huh… hey! Wait up!! Listen for a bit!! I can’t keep up with
this pace of yours… stop Ple--” I had no energy left and collapsed on the
ground… “Wait! Don’t go without me!” I knew if it left me alone there is no way
to find him again, “wait please! I don’t need rest; I’ll follow you so please
wait…!” I tried to get up, but it’s quite obvious I had no strength left; I
tried to stand erect but failed miserably… That light didn’t look back even
once to check how I was doing…!! Another try to stand up… another fail… it
didn’t stop, that light just went further and further away… until I snapped,
“wait you dumb head!! Have some sympathy!! I have no energy and I can hardly
stand, and here you’re just walking away as if you don’t care?! You don’t need
to rest, you can fly but I can’t!! So why don’t you come back and try to help
me?!” It didn’t work… it just went on… ‘That didn’t work at all…’ then…
something came to mind… it would hurt that light badly and I might get injured
but at least he cannot disagree to this… “… Or… you are just a coward…” it
stopped “hah! You are a coward! Nothing but a mere coward! You don’t want to
face me and help me because that will make you look like a weakling! But you
already are… hahaha!” I broke into a sinister laugh… I think I could hear
footsteps coming my way… I was shaking before… but now I couldn’t stop… I lost
myself completely… “coward coward! Hahahaha!!” and then… “Coward cowa--” “….slap!!”
…. Something slapped me… before I could come back to my senses, I was totally
shocked… after that… “huh… why… why did you do that…?” I looked up at the
light… but it was a man standing there… he looked quite familiar… ‘Have I seen
him somewhere…? Wait! Where is the light??’ “Um… sorry… but can you move a
bit??” I smiled at him then looked to my left and right, then to the left and
right of the man… but… alas… that light wasn’t there anymore… I broke into cold
sweat… ‘Where is that light….?!’ I started to look around while ignoring the
man… he sighed… then… “Are you looking for a light of some sort…?” I looked at
him in surprise, “yes! Do you know where it is??” I was quite anxious; I needed
to know at all costs… He let out a chuckle and sat on the ground, he patted the
place beside him “I am that light” I was in shock… “What?! You have to be
kidding me…” “No I’m not, that light is me” He again patted the place beside
him… “Come here and sit, I’ll tell you everything… and besides, you are already
very exhausted aren’t you?” I had to give in… he was telling the truth… I went
and sat beside him without a word… “Haven’t you figured out who I am yet?” I
looked up to him, “yea, pretty much since you were the one who told me that
when I was stricken with shock, you are my light” I said that sarcastically, he
let out a sigh… “That’s not what I meant… don’t you think I look familiar?” for
a moment there I thought he just read my previous thoughts… he handed me a
mirror which I don’t know from where he got, so don’t ask me… I looked at it…
then at the man… at it then at the man… “Hmm… nope, I have no idea” “I am your
father” My eyes widened… “Huh?” “I am your father” “sorry I couldn’t hear you,
what did you just say?” “I-AM-YOUR-FATHER” okay…?? It’s not that I didn’t hear
him but it was quite hard to believe him… he looks… so damn young!! It seems he
looked like around 24 to 26 years old… and to have a 12 year old daughter
around that age is unbelievable… “… You must be mistaken… BIGTIME…” “How can my
own daughter not recognize her own father…?” He grumbled… I looked to him then
at the mirror, and it hit me… “Maybe I’m the one that’s mistaken…” “What…?” “Well
you do look a lot like me… and we have almost the same personalities … so I
guess you are my father…” He smiled… “But before I run into any more conclusions…how
old are you?” He let out a chuckle… “I’m 53” My eyes widened and I felt as if I
could fall any moment because of the shock… “Say what?!?” He wasn’t shocked at
all… but then I decided to calm down… I might be his second or third child… “Wait…
you must have at least 1-2 children already right..?” He had a pained look when
I asked that… “No… close… but no…” I softened,
I nuzzled and hugged him… I think I was literally crying with sadness…
“I’m… sorry… I… shouldn’t… have… asked…” He smiled and hugged back… “Now come
on, we need to get going, you have a long way to go before you will be set free
from here” I smiled back at him… “yea…” I tried to stand up… but I forgot… I
have no energy at all! “….” “what’s wrong? Come along now or I just might leave
you…” “I have no energy left…” “Oh my…” He came over to me and turned the other
way while sitting down… “Eh? What are you doing?” “Come on now, I’ll piggy back
you until a certain distance” my eyes widened for a second and then I giggled…
I climbed on his back and he piggy backrided me… On the way… he, “shouldn’t you
be calling me ‘abbu’ by now…?” I was very tired and sleepy… “abbu…” I nuzzled
him… it was so warm… I instantly fell asleep… the last sentence I heard from
him was… “heh… sweet dreams betu… I’m very much excited to meet you in the real
world…”
I suddenly woke up in my bed beside my mom… my dad was on a scientific
mission trip to India… his part of the bed felt so cold… I really missed that
warmth… but I felt he was still watching me just like how he was watching me in
that darkness… “sweet memories… sweet sweet memories…”
The next night… it wasn’t pleasant… I came back into the
darkness… but this time… he wasn’t there… “abbu! Abbu! Where are you?!” I
wanted to cry so bad… “abbu! Abbu!” but someone creeped behind me… “You don’t
need your abbu…” his hands on my neck… “Because you have no right to live!” he
strangled me… I was chocking… “a-a-abbu…!” “it’s no use calling for him, he
will never come for you… you are of no use… you are just like any other girl
child on this planet… we were the ones who was supposed to be born instead of
you… he would love to have 3 sons who are much older than a weak 12 year old…
not … a girl at that too!” his grip became stronger and stronger… I was
literally going to die… I began to think it over… if he would have given the
same treatment to me even if I had these brothers of mine… I was beginning to
doubt him… my brothers were getting the best of me… they were invading my
dreams… no… they were INSIDE ME… they were a part of me… a part of my
personality… I suddenly felt a rush of all the memories of my brothers… and
their feelings when I survived and was born… and they didn’t… I woke up in the
morning… shivering… I didn’t want to open my eyes… because if I did… I would
see my brothers… with a dagger… ready to kill me… I then took a deep breath…
and open my eyes… to find my father… not there… those lines… ‘your abbu won’t
be able to hear you…’ it must be… because my dad is not here… or else he would
wake up instantly and tell me to calm down… I woke up again at 5 in the
morning… I packed my bags and went to school… I wanted to get some counseling…
so I wanted to ask our school consoler about what she thinks about my
situation… I have 2 other friends who say they have had hard times in life…
that for them too… it was very hard… one of them… was Sabrina… even though she
hadn’t experienced the pain that I have… I would always say not to go on the
path she is going now… it wasn’t a safe path… but… each path I take… has
choices… never ending paths… “Hey suraray!” “Yea what?” “You know that people
who are the happiest are actually the people who have the darkest and hardest
life ever?” “Yea I know that…” “I’m one of them…” “I know…” “And your one of
the people who is the happiest but has no dark times!” I corrected her… “You’re
wrong Sabrina… I do have a dark times… and I’m still suffering now…” “….” She
didn’t say anything… but to break the silence I asked if she could give me a
pen to borrow, and the silence was broken… My story and my life… are like no
other… I have many hard choices and I am suffering… but… what’s there to worry
if I have my daddy at my side? He will always guide me to happiness… I know
that for sure… but… the issue with my brothers… I’ll leave that chapter for
another day… I giggled while Sabrina was confused why would I giggle… instead
she kept saying I stole her pen when I didn’t… I was giggling on what a life I
have… I have to say thanks to 2 people for letting the real me out… my abbu for
guiding me on the right path… and my most best friend ever… Zayan… who broke
the last chain… But… I would never want her to know my dark secret… anyway,
moving on… I think my abbu is way too lucky! He found a girl so beautiful! Yup!
That’s my mom alright! And her personality is fit for my dad… way to go abbu!
He must have had a really nice and happy past and happy times to become like
how he is now… same goes to my mom… I envy abbu a lot… he has always been role
model and still is… I want to become exactly like him when I grow up! Heh… I
better settle it with my brothers soon too… let them come in my dreams tonight…
I’ll show them to a treat..! heh… I look back and say… “abbu… please guide me
on the right path so that when I am completely free from this darkness, I can
be under the same sun as you… experience the same as you… and have the same
amount of happiness as you… my one and only… sunshine…”
